It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
