I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can you bring me the toilet please
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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