I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
