your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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