the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
