i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
