Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
