my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize