she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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