K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
