he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
