There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
