return my video game
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
