I just gift wrapped bread.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize