I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
