I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This baby is an asshole
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
