I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
