i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
