They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
