Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
