The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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