I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
