What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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