May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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