Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
false alarm, still single
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
