Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this will be a night to untag.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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