the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
