You work out of a Hotel?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
