I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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