3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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