hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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