I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
