what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
