Jerry, you need to find god
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
