bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
