Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
