Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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