so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
