I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
