Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Houston, we have a squirter
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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