I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
