Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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