what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
