I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
