I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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