even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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