My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
