Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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