bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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