i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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