Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's always time for handjobs
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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