she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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