uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
