We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
