I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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