but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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