connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
