I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
