Cold hands, warm shart.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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