That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
