Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
