i will never coherently bang her
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
