I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
