He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
