I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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