you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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