i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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