sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
