How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
