How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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