two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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