wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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