Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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