i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
