genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize