apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
