I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
