I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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